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So, yesterday, at some point, I Googled the phrase “pet wombat.” Apparently, they’re not great pets. They’re fairly docile when they’re young, but as they get older, they get “hostile” and “unpredictable.”

Later on, my iTunes or Pandora or whatever I was listening to played “Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment” by The Ramones. My pet wombat search term was still in the box, and so the phrase “Gimme Gimme Pet Wombat” got stuck in my head.

So, I started coming up with names.

They’re on my Twitter (and I’m still coming up with more), but here are most of them:

Lil Baby Fiesta
President Mozart
Sherri Shepherd
Tootie
Potsticker
William
Martin
Gregory
Stephen Fry
Bob Loblaw
Porkbun
Cookiepuss
Boris Yeltzin
Elevenses
Steven Segal
Elwood Blues
Gayle King
Stalin
Strawberry
Munch-O
Cribby
Velveeta
Ben Wyatt
The Stig
Dylan McDermott Mulroney
McRib
Wombé 3000

My friend Marko said I’d be wasting everyone’s time if I didn’t name him Benedict Cumberbatch, and I agree. I could get a pair. Benedict Cumberbatch and Lil Baby Fiesta. But something about this list makes me want to get ALL of the wombats. And use ALL of the names. So far, that’s almost 30 wombats, getting all hostile and unpredictable up in my apartment.